Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
