I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
time to smoke my breakfast
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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