make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
