I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
