I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
