just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
