Where is the hickey?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
