The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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