i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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