just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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