I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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