Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
