The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
