I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
