hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
