But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
