my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just found puke in my bra..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
