Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
