i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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