She announced her abortion via fbk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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