You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
