dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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