Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
