my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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