there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the liver wants what the liver wants
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
