Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
birth control should be required to get into college
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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