U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
