trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
