Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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