Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.