I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
