OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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