my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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