I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
