she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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