Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
