I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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