Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
bring money and cleavage
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
