if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
