He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
