After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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