He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
