he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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