Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
