she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we're making bets on your personal life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
