shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
