oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
