Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
