I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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