We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The air was thick with penises
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
