alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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