not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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