Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
