Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
