dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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