So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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