I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Text me some of your sweat
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