i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this boner is exhausting
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
