OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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