First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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