I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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