my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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