Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
