Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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