she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
