im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
