You can't motorboat a personality
is wine microwaveable?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
