I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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