literally had 100 drinks last night.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
